Six Feet Under

“It’s not so much a football blog as comment on football blogs...”

For starters, here are some reasons why the number six is awesome.
I was born on the sixth! That has to be divinely inspired right?
The Vikings are now 6-0 and atop the NFC.
Sextuplets = six babies = adorable
Six cupcakes (or any baked good for that matter) make up a half-dozen, which is infinitely cuter than a whole dozen
Balloon Boy Falcon Heene was six years old which doesn’t really make him awesome but the fact that we all spent six hours glued to our TVs a week ago is

Moving on, I lost in fantasy last week and only came in middle of the pack in the pick ‘em league but I’m not too upset given that I spent approximately 1.2 seconds setting my lineups. This whole working 70 hours a week thing is getting old.

I also missed the Missouri game (work, what else is new), but it doesn’t sound like I really missed too much. We play Texas at home on Saturday while celebrating homecoming, but looks to me like people are more excited about the parade and house decks than the actual game. I just hope we can keep it close. Fun fact of the day. The University of Missouri established the first homecoming tradition in 1911, inviting all alumni to “come home” for the annual border battle game against the Kansas Jayhawks. The two teams tied 3-3 but a new tradition was born that quickly spread to colleges and high schools around the country.

Finally, it looks like Denver might be for real this season. I didn’t want to believe it, hoping San Diego could pull out a big division win at home on Monday night, but my sis wasn’t there to cheer them an and they fell to the Broncos. A pre-season blog I read in September picked the Broncos as their sleeper playoff pick and it seems they might have been right.

Un4gettable

In your face Green Bay!


Never easy against Pack


But I’ll take it, SKOL!!!

—   MN Vikings Blogger

Sorry for the delay in this post, but it’s been such an exciting week in the world of my favorite sports teams, I couldn’t seem to put down the remote and lift up the laptop.

Monday started with an intense Vikings/Packers rivalry matchup at the Dome. I watched the game with GASP some Packers fans at the ESPN Zone in Times Square, only because I was fully confident they would shut up by halftime. The crowd overall was pretty mixed with a combination of Favre supporters and Favre haters, many of whom left after his third touchdown. For those keeping track, he racked up 23.32 fantasy points. Too bad FutbolGirl didn’t play him, opting instead for the lackluster Tony Romo who practically went negative. That’s what you get for breaking up with Jessica Simpson via text message on her birthday. He probably hired that coyote to eat her dog too. Poor Jessica.

Tuesday brought the much-anticipated Twins/Tigers playoff to determine the American League Central division winner. I’ve never seen so many Twins fans in New York! Unfortunately they were the worst kind of fair-weather, only cheering for my beloved Twinkies so that their precious Yankees could beat up on them later in the week. Either way, I think that added support gave the Twins just the 12^th inning boost they needed to topple the Tigers. That team never ceases to surprise me.

Thursday, thinking I was on a roll of possibly the best sports week ever, I whipped out my new gold heals and prepared to M-I-Z myself horse. I met up with the NYC chapter of the Mizzou Alumni Association for some cheap beer, fight songs and a high-five from Truman the Tiger. Unfortunately that was about as exciting as the night got, as my fellow Missouri friends and I were forced to endure one of the most boring halves of football I’ve ever witnessed. When a safety is the most exciting scoring drive of the half, “Houston we have a problem.” We didn’t stay much past halftime, and it doesn’t sound like we missed much, but I’m not giving up hope. We play at Oklahoma State next weekend, which is a tough matchup, but then it’s back to Columbia for Homecoming and some Longhorns on a stick.

Bye week bliss

“We have ‘bye’ on the schedule next week and I think we can beat them.”
— Charlie Weiss

Sometimes a bye week is just what the doctor ordered to pull your team out of a slump. Not that the fabulous Missouri Tigers were in a slump or anything. It’s the sportswriters I refer to here. Last week I grumbled that at 4-0, my beloved Tigers didn’t even crack the AP top-25. I claimed reverse bias. Half the sports writers in this country probably went to Mizzou and would hate to have their ethics called into question. Well question no longer folks because as the Missouri Tigers sat in the lounge of South Hall (lamest dorm name ever, I know, but I hear they have flat screens!) they watched their stock rise as Houston, Georgia, Michigan and Cal all lost. The Tigers now go into Thursday’s primetime matchup against Nebraska ranked 24 in the AP and 18 in the Coach’s poll. According to espn.com, “Sophomore quarterback Blaine Gabbert has been spectacular, throwing for 1,161 yards with 11 touchdowns. He ranks No. 4 nationally in pass efficiency and hasn't thrown an interception in 131 attempts.” Oh, and judging by his constant Twitter updates, he also likes G&D pizza.

My fantasy team also unexpectedly benefited from bye-week player swaps and it looks like I’m headed for my first victory of the season :: fingers crossed :: With Larry Fitzgerald out on a bye, I played Clavin Johnson, Mike Sims-Walker and Lavernaus Coles at wide receiver. The first two performed true to form with CJ racking up 140 all-purpose yards and MSW catching two TDs. LC (fitting name I’m coming to find) continues to disappoint, and would have been benched this week if both Fitz and Maclin weren’t out. Maybe the Bengals need to hire Kristin Cavallari to shake things up Hills style.

My quarterback Matt-swap was the best surprise of the week. I had to start Castle instead of Ryan knowing that the Chiefs are terrible this year and would be going up against a tough Giants defense. I didn’t have much hope. But, despite throwing for just 127 yards, he threw 2 TDs and no picks are racked up 15.79 fantasy points. Take that Drew Brees!

So, as I gear up for a long-awaited Monday night matchup, I’ve got a healthy lead and the Vikings defense and Ryan Grant going tonight. I can smell the victory. Go Vikings!!!

Three's a crowd

"Repel them, repel them, make them relinquish the ball.” 

— Harvard football cheer

Okay, so it doesn’t have the same ring as “That’s all right, that’s okay, you’ll all work for us someday,” or “3 points is a field goal, two points is a safety, safety school, safety school,” but seeing as those have both been banned by the school administration, I figured I’d play by the rules. I took in the sights and sounds of the Harvard/Brown game Friday night and in a thrilling matchup of over-educated, under-weight “football players” saw the Crimson defeat the Bears 24-21. Granted, we didn’t sit in the student section, so maybe the shirtless minority clad in crimson power beads has a bit more respect for the sport, but the guy next to me actually asked if the quarters had always been 15 minutes long. True Story. Editors note: to his credit, the game was shortened from 70 to 60 minutes in 1910 during the formation of the NCAA. I highly doubt this is what he was referring to. As an aside, apparently Hermione Granger, err Emma Watson was in the Brown stands. Had I known this at the time this post could have taken an entirely different turn.

Click below for more random musings and a totally awesome song!


All my teams are undefeated!

On Vikings On Tigers On Jets and On Giants. On Sanchez on Manning on Favre the defiant!

(okay, this chilly weather also has me in the mood for Christmas songs!) I know it’s still early in the season, but I got to figure at least one of these teams will make something of themselves and, given my lack of permanent address, I’ll feel free to claim whichever one I choose.

Q: Why is Nebraska’s football field artificial turf and not real grass?
A: So the cheerleaders won’t graze.

I’m probably irrationally angry with the College Football AP Poll for not ranking the Missouri Tigers despite our 4-0 record, but when we make Nebraska cry next Thursday under the lights, I’m pretty sure they’ll take us seriously.

"I Think Therefore I am not a packer fan." — Descartes

It’s rivalry week in Minnesota, which means I need to intensify my hatred toward our cheesy brethren. The Gophers host the Badgers at the new TCF Stadium on Saturday and the Vikings host the Packers at the Dome for some Monday night madness.

Thoughts for a rainy Saturday

A few quick thoughts before I settle in to watch some college football and bake cupcakes for tonight’s soirée.

 

1.     I should be watching ESPN College Gameday right now. I miss cable.

2.     Just saw that Missouri is ranked number 25. Go Tigers!

3.     First game tonight at the gopher’s TCF Bank Stadium. The parents will be there, so a more detailed report will follow. Apparently everyone in Minnesota thinks it’s a bad sign that both Air Force and Air Force One will both be in town today.

4.     Finalized my picks for tomorrow’s games. Pretty standard favorites with the exception of Denver over Cincy.

5.     This blog post is pure genius. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/090910

Click the link below to read a few of my favorite parts.

 

“For eight solid months, we have been planting the seeds for the loopiest football season ever played. Those seeds bloomed this past weekend with something seemingly spawned from NFL Mad Libs: "Shawne Merriman," "Tila Tequila," "3:45 a.m. choking" and ... go! The ensuing fallout led to nearly 500,000 "Did he perform the Lights Out dance afterward?" tweets, Tequila brazenly attacking Merriman through Twitter, me referring to a human being as "Tequila" in print and Merriman's steadfast denial that he did anything wrong. Merriman said he was preventing his "intoxicated" friend from driving home, with the underlying point being, "In case you didn't notice, she has 'Tequila' in her last name and she became famous as a bisexual MTV serial dater." One of the better legal defenses ever.”

 

“Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson for either partying too much (the rumored reason) or gaining too much weight (the real reason, or at least the one I'd wager on in Vegas), followed by Simpson partying even more and gaining even more weight. We might have a new Kirstie Alley on our hands; poor Jess suddenly is built like Kirby Puckett with breasts. (Not that this is a bad thing. I'm actually attracted to Zaftig Clingy No Self-Esteem Jess, my single strangest celebrity attraction since Renee Zellweger put on her Bridget Jones weight.) Did you ever think an NFL offseason could shape about 20 future Us Weekly covers? It's happened, my friends. Sneaky weird.”

*Note the references to Kirby Puckett and Us Weekly. This man is my hero.

 

“Brett Favre changed his mind about playing so many times that when ESPN filmed a "This is 'SportsCenter'" commercial about people in the newsroom passing along the "definitive" word on his latest decision, it had to film two versions -- one in which he came back and one in which he didn't come back -- in case he changed his mind again, and of course, the day the commercial was filmed, news broke that Favre was coming back.”

*Favorite. Commercial. Ever.

 

6.   Fashion week is in full swing here in NYC and the best news is that hot pink is the new black. This is so my year! Other fall trends I’m less excited about include shoulder pads, eighties redux and bondage boots.