Bye week bliss

“We have ‘bye’ on the schedule next week and I think we can beat them.”
— Charlie Weiss

Sometimes a bye week is just what the doctor ordered to pull your team out of a slump. Not that the fabulous Missouri Tigers were in a slump or anything. It’s the sportswriters I refer to here. Last week I grumbled that at 4-0, my beloved Tigers didn’t even crack the AP top-25. I claimed reverse bias. Half the sports writers in this country probably went to Mizzou and would hate to have their ethics called into question. Well question no longer folks because as the Missouri Tigers sat in the lounge of South Hall (lamest dorm name ever, I know, but I hear they have flat screens!) they watched their stock rise as Houston, Georgia, Michigan and Cal all lost. The Tigers now go into Thursday’s primetime matchup against Nebraska ranked 24 in the AP and 18 in the Coach’s poll. According to espn.com, “Sophomore quarterback Blaine Gabbert has been spectacular, throwing for 1,161 yards with 11 touchdowns. He ranks No. 4 nationally in pass efficiency and hasn't thrown an interception in 131 attempts.” Oh, and judging by his constant Twitter updates, he also likes G&D pizza.

My fantasy team also unexpectedly benefited from bye-week player swaps and it looks like I’m headed for my first victory of the season :: fingers crossed :: With Larry Fitzgerald out on a bye, I played Clavin Johnson, Mike Sims-Walker and Lavernaus Coles at wide receiver. The first two performed true to form with CJ racking up 140 all-purpose yards and MSW catching two TDs. LC (fitting name I’m coming to find) continues to disappoint, and would have been benched this week if both Fitz and Maclin weren’t out. Maybe the Bengals need to hire Kristin Cavallari to shake things up Hills style.

My quarterback Matt-swap was the best surprise of the week. I had to start Castle instead of Ryan knowing that the Chiefs are terrible this year and would be going up against a tough Giants defense. I didn’t have much hope. But, despite throwing for just 127 yards, he threw 2 TDs and no picks are racked up 15.79 fantasy points. Take that Drew Brees!

So, as I gear up for a long-awaited Monday night matchup, I’ve got a healthy lead and the Vikings defense and Ryan Grant going tonight. I can smell the victory. Go Vikings!!!

It Takes Two

“Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all.”

 

Detroit and I have more in common than I’d like to think. We’re both Midwesterners who like to pretend we’re big city material (but really, who are we kidding?) we’re both 70 percent unemployed and we’re both sitting squarely in the football cellar at 0-2. What’s caused this downward spiral? A series of bad luck (for me that is, Detroit should have seen the auto-market crash coming like a quarterback blitz on third and long). You see, points-wise, I’m second in my league with 149, but due to some poorly timed competition and freakish play from Indianapolis tight end Dallas Clark, there is a doughnut in my win column and it certainly doesn’t have rainbow colored sprinkles.

 

But enough whining. I’ve got my game face on and I’m ready to tackle Team Hate. After conducting some thorough research (i.e. oh he looks nice) I dropped Vikings wide receiver and fantasy benchwarmer Sidney Rice in favor of Jacksonville standout Mike Sims-Walker. According to some guy on some Web site I’ve never heard of before, “He is a sleeper Fantasy option going forward and could have a very nice year.” Plus, with ex-Vike Troy Williamson on IR, MSW should get some good playing time.

 

In other fantasy news, both Clinton Portis and Marion Barber “el Tercero” are dealing with injuries and questionable for this weekend’s games. It sounds like Portis is more likely to play than Barber, so despite his lackluster stats, I’ll probably keep him in another week. Team Hate is bringing the heat with Randy Moss and Andrew Johnson at WR, but I’m banking on Larry Fitzgerald to light it up and bring me my first big W of the season.

Draft Day Drama

When the living room becomes the war room, watch out for flying spreadsheets

So I’m in a fantasy football league with some family, friends and a few random strangers (CrazyDolFan anyone?) and draft night at the Searle household was the stuff made for a sitcom. It was set to begin at 10 p.m.

 

9:00 I ask Lauren if she’d like to become the tenth member of our league because nine is awkward and nobody likes a bye week. She says sure and looks to dad for parental guidance.

 

9:20 Dad is swearing at the computer because he can’t figure out this “Yahoo Sports login thing.” I mean really. I swoop in, save the day, and get them registered to play.

 

9:40 Dad, Lauren and Mom are trading battle plans by the computer and are yelling at me to stop eavesdropping. I claim parental bipartisanship and bring Mom over to my camp to talk strategy. Shelby is our Sweden.

 

10:00 The draft (aka hilarity) commences. Dad isn’t used to these timed drafts and the first few picks go so fast he can’t keep up on the multiple spreadsheets he’s prepared for the occasion. Papers and curse words fly about his corner as Lauren takes refuge in her bunker on the couch.

 

10:06 From our camp across the room, Mom and I take Larry Fitzgerald with the 8^th pick, Clavin Johnson with the 13^th.  Our receivers got game, but what about a RB? We get in a quick spat over whether CJ was the right choice.

 

10:11 Oh No! Dad’s (ahem… Lauren’s) pick again. “Shoot! Our turn again? How do I get this thing to scroll? Who’s still available?” More curse words, more flying papers, another decent pick.

 

:: repeats every 5-10 minutes for the remainder of the draft ::

 

11:08 Team Lauren and Team Annelise look to have put together respectable teams. Team Stephanie, who was working remotely from San Diego without the help of a spreadsheet wielding father, leaves a little to be desired.